Freedom in Sobriety

I was quite a firebrand from as early as 6 years old.  I got into fights with other kids and their parents. My neighbors knew me as the one that liked to streak around the block. My “firey” personality got me kicked out of a lot of stuff, including being physically carried out of one of my classrooms. I guess I had “a problem with authority.”    

That fire was also stoked in me as a young person being told that because of my background and gender, I would never be good enough.  So as soon as I was able to, I set out to prove the naysayers wrong and moved to New York just after turning 18 to attend NYU.  I went on to graduate with high honors and move back to Nebraska to become Miss Nebraska in 2006.  I then went on to work for the Federal Reserve and was recruited back to New York for a job as a VP at a major national nonprofit organization.   

But that drive took a toll on me and that youthful wild side later took me down a dark pathway towards addiction.  Alcohol was at first a temporary escape but turned into a daily dependency.   My life went from one with a ton of potential to one of pain and shame. Lying to everyone, including myself, with each lie and broken promise adding another layer to the barrier between me and the life I truly desired.  

It took a long time to come to the realization that alcohol controlled me – but when the realization finally came, it hit me with a force I could no longer ignore.  I finally realized that addiction had left me powerless and that if I continued down this road, I wasn’t going to make it.  I had to change or die. And this change, this experience led me to understanding the importance of facing facts and facing fears.  I discovered that truth and developing the courage to face it was a powerful path to healing and a way to regain my power.   

Alcohol had not only clouded my judgment but also compelled me to construct a web of lies to cover my tracks. I lied to my family, friends, and colleagues about why I stopped showing up, and most painfully, I lied to myself about the severity of my addiction.    

Sobriety was not an easy path, but it was a liberating one. I learned to be honest with myself and others, embracing vulnerability instead of hiding behind a mask. I had to explore my fears, really look at them and deal with them. One of my favorite quotes is "Once we are willing to look fully and deeply at the source of a fear, it loses its power." (Shakti Gawain) The anxiety that had once paralyzed me was gone, replaced by a sense of peace that I had never known.  

I discovered that the truth, while sometimes painful, is a powerful tool for healing. No longer consumed by shame and the burden of lies, my entire life improved as I built it on a foundation of trust and honesty.   

With nothing to hide, I discovered the true meaning of freedom. My days were no longer spent in fear of exposure or in the exhaustion of maintaining falsehoods. Instead, they were filled with genuine connections, personal growth, and a profound sense of self-acceptance. I had nothing to hide and everything to gain.  

I have learned that the greatest freedom comes from living a life of truth. In embracing reality, flaws and all, I found a strength and peace that I had never known. Sobriety was not just about giving up alcohol and drugs; it was about reclaiming my life and my freedom. I thought I had lost my life. But in facing my demons, I found a new kind of strength.  

My journey to sobriety taught me the importance of vulnerability and daily resilience. I learned that true power lies not in control, but in the courage to seek truth and embrace change. My story is a testament to the transformative power of accepting the reality that is and making a decision to make it the reality I want, to never go back to the life I had.  By facing my fears and letting go of the need to hide, I found a freedom I had never known.  

Sobriety was not just an end, but a beautiful new beginning—a journey of rediscovery, growth, and endless possibilities. I was now shedding the shadows that had once cloaked my life, and with every new day, embracing the freedom that came with living authentically and openly.  Living transparently was liberating, and my authenticity has become my greatest asset. 

This isn’t about getting sober.  It is about finding truth.  For me, that was in my addiction, at least to start.  For you, it is whatever in your life that is not what you want it to be! 

Facing the facts and facing your fears can help you find freedom in your life.  I know I can face anything in life, things I choose and things I don’t choose and be ok.  It won’t always be easy or free of pain, but I will always be free. 

When you look at your life and what you want, what is within your control and what isn’t, and you know you have done all you can and want to do to get the life you want, you are free.